The “Why” Question

Posted by on Oct 24, 2013 in Blog, Comfort, Grief Relief, Ministry

The “Why?” question is a common thing when anyone experiences a loss.  Whether it is the loss of a job or the loss of a child in a custody case, the “Why?” issue can creep in or crash in.  The emotional hurt from the loss can make a logical answer seem irrelevant.

We do need to be careful in assuming this question, however.  I have been asked how I dealt with the “Why God?” question.  The truth is that I did not struggle with it much.  My life-long experiences of trust in God seemed to melt the severity of that concern.

When it does loom over the griever, be slow to assume you have an answer.  Remember the one grieving is experiencing an emotional hurt and a logical reply may not be a help.  They mostly need you to identify their pain and support them at this time.  Don’t play God.

Genuine concern goes a long way in helping the bereaved. Knowing this is more help to them than a long prepared speech.


With Concern;



  1. I so appreciate your view on grief and relisience . The are updated and well studied . I believe it is true in many ways esp. the standards for men and women’s grief are vastly different. I take a bit of exception on your op-ed piece in the NYTimes re: Joyce Carol Oates new book while I have no issue that Ms. Oates was engaged after 11 months of her husband s passing and married shortly thereafter. I find a lack of integrity that her engagement and marriage was not disclosed. It was a FACT and it was important to the book and her life . I question her motive for not disclosing it , her criticism of Ms. Didion’s memoir and success of her latest book . She could have offered her audience a true lesson on relisience . Continued blessings in your work it is needed now more than ever . Beth Dannhauser

  2. Very good info. Lucky me I found your blog by accident (stumbleupon). I’ve book marked it for later!

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