Instrumental Mourners Experience and Speak of their Grief Intellectually and Physically
Aiding well a friend or relative who is grieving may take a bit of understanding and observation. Among the many variables involved in the grieving person such as maturity level and relationship to the one lost, is the different styles of grieving. Seeing this about the bereaved can help you know what to say.
Instrumental mourners experience and speak of their grief intellectually and physically. They are most comfortable with seeking accurate information, analyzing facts, making informed decisions and taking action to solve problems. Remaining strong, dispassionate and detached in the face of powerful emotions, they may speak of their grief in an intellectual way, thus appearing to others as cold, uncaring and without feeling.
Beware of demanding they do it differently by saying things like, “Shouldn’t you be crying more?” or “I am concerned you are not mourning correctly.” Reaffirming statements such as, “I appreciate that you have taken care of that issue so well. I know your loved one would want it that way.”
Deciding what to someone during grief may take a bit of time but well worth the effort.