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A JOURNEY OF GRIEF

Posted by on 4:17 pm in Blog, Loss | 0 comments

A JOURNEY OF GRIEF

I didn’t know a human could hurt so much. It’s not like I had never experienced loss. My grandfather died when I was six. I remember the event and the emotions of others but I did not feel devastated. I do however, remember Mom’s pain when Dad was killed in a farming accident; I was 11, the eldest of four children. Mom’s grieving was compounded by the birth of my youngest brother one week after Dad’s funeral on a bleak February day. Baby by her side, she cried in bed most of the time, for a long time. Still, my pain was not soul wrenching. I don’t remember crying, but all I really recall was the constant reminder that he was no longer there....

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Coping With Anniversary Grief

Posted by on 6:32 am in Blog, Grieving | 0 comments

Coping With Anniversary Grief

Tips for Coping with Anniversary Reactions in Grief  by Marty Tousley A reader writes: My brother and I were like twins growing up: 14 months apart and inseparable. When I was 25 and he was 26, he died of cancer. At the time, I didn’t grieve hardly at all, as I was raised not to talk about intense feelings much. So…I put a lot of these painful feelings away, and didn’t realize until this past year, when I was going through other stresses, that there was even something called delayed grief. The pain has been overwhelming. I am going through counseling with a really good therapist who is helping, but I am dreading my brother’s death anniversary date that is coming up next month....

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Schedule for Helping the Bereaved

Posted by on 9:21 am in Blog, Comfort, Grieving | 0 comments

Schedule for Helping the Bereaved

Timeline suggestions for practical things to do to help grievers; Every circumstance is different when people experience loss. Each individual grieves differently. Some people spread their mourning process out over a long period of time while others seem to be very concerted in their grief. Generally speaking, there seems to be similar patterns in the process that can help us understand what to do at different times to be helpful. The following schedule is the one I tended to follow during my grieving process for both my wives. In no way am I implying everyone should follow this exact pattern, but my journey can serve as a working example of loss. AT DEATH The day each of my wives died I was fortunate to...

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A Grief Reflection

Posted by on 11:21 am in Blog, Grieving | 0 comments

A Grief Reflection

Making a difference in your world by being a better friend; Grief is indeed a difficult subject to face. For most of us it does not attract our attention as a topic that we naturally wish to be an expert on. Yet, coping with loss qualifies as a natural part of life. Because you have read this book, you are ahead of many of your peers and relatives in your ability to deal with grieving. Knowing what to say, or not say, often comes through a better understanding of the grieving process. Such understanding does not always have to be obtained through personal experience. We can benefit from that of others willing to be honest about their feelings and journey following a loss. Hopefully...

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Grieving and World View

Posted by on 9:40 am in Blog, Comfort, Grieving | 2 comments

Grieving and World View

How I found strength and wisdom to survive loss and do it well:     “I don’t know how you do it. You have lost two wives and you seem to be doing so well,” came the familiar statements. Following Judith’s death many people made similar comments to me. Some remarks came as simple observations while other people were genuinely seeking answers. In this chapter I will be taking the liberty to lay out the thinking process and worldview I have developed in the course of my life and freely explain how that all affected my grieving process. My family background, personal experiences, logic, religious beliefs and the message of the Bible all come into play to determine how I approached and responded to tragedy....

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When It is Your Turn to Grieve

Posted by on 9:45 am in Blog, Grieving | 0 comments

When It is Your Turn to Grieve

Tips for those who are experiencing loss: I didn’t know a human could hurt that much. The hole in my soul was huge and indescribable after Ruth died. No one had ever taught me how to mourn or even what to expect. Of course, mourning was not high on my ‘things to learn’ list. Like many, I avoided it as some sort of weakness I didn’t want anything to do with. The various “stages” I went through were surprises to me which often caught me off guard. I eventually had the presence of mind to seek out others who had gone through similar loss to talk about my experiences and pain. It really helped me understand and process my journey. UNDERSTANDING THE PROCESS Although...

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WHEN CULTURE SHADES GRIEVING

Posted by on 9:15 am in Blog, Grieving | 0 comments

WHEN CULTURE SHADES GRIEVING

Cross-culture difference tips for helpers: In today’s world many of us are multi-cultural in a number of ways. You may find yourself interacting with people from different cultural backgrounds through work, church, clubs, your kids’ schools or even where you live. It would be presumptuous to conclude that all people grieve the same. All humans grieve, but how they do it can be based on teaching, religion, worldview or their own observations. Even if you disagree with their methods of grieving, the early mourning process is not the time to criticize them or to educate them to what you consider a better way. Your best plan would be to simply help them grieve well and then be open to help them if they have...

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What to Say or NOT…a List

Posted by on 9:05 am in Blog, Grief Relief | 0 comments

What to Say or NOT…a List

WHAT TO SAY                                                                         WHAT NOT TO SAY   Taken from the book by David Knapp, I Didn’t Know What to Say: Being a Better Friend to Those Who Experience Loss, 2015. For a better understanding as to why the comments in black are more helpful than the statements in red, get the entire book at www.   Your loss is a very difficult thing to go through, I am sure.               Get a grip! I will always remember him/her.               I don’t want to talk about the dead. Let’s talk about the living. Do you need someone to go with you to choose a casket or marker?                I know what you are going through. I lost a kitten once....

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Grieving a Job Loss

Posted by on 11:42 am in Blog, Comfort, Loss | 0 comments

Grieving a Job Loss

JOB LOSS Many college graduates never work in the field of study in which they receive a degree. I am not among that group. I found a deep sense of fulfillment in finding a career about which I was passionate from the start. I served with a religious non-profit organization that was very team-oriented. On one of our first encounters with the leadership of this group their deep heart-felt convictions and passion showed through. I remember turning to my wife, Ruth, and asking her, “So, do you think you could spend the rest of your life working with people like that?” Through her tears she mumbled, “Yes!” Following our year-and-one-half of orientation and leadership training, we were assigned to a teaching and leadership position....

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Dealing With The Loss of A Child

Posted by on 6:08 am in Blog, Comfort, Grieving | 4 comments

Dealing With The Loss of A Child

  When Loss Steals A Child Comforting those who have lost a child by any means “When a child dies before the parent, the world is upside down.” (Old Chinese proverb) Ruth and I did not talk very much about her impending death those seven years she battled cancer. I am sure it would have helped us some had we done more. One of the times we did have a serious talk about her going to heaven revolved around our children. She mourned her own death often and alone. She commonly said she felt like she was being “replaced” in life. The one painful topic we talked about was her mourning her loss of our children. “I probably won’t be able to see their...

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